


Colors of youth

by tapioca_pearls



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff and Angst, I'm not sorry, M/M, Science, Third Year Kozume Kenma, University, kuroo is a nerd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:02:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23392201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tapioca_pearls/pseuds/tapioca_pearls
Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou has been awaiting a letter from a certain university, but when he holds the envelope in his hands at last, he comes to two realizations — one, if he leaves to study overseas, his life will never be the same again. And two, he is in love with Kozume Kenma.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	Colors of youth

𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙝 

There was nothing he prolonged for more than to go back in life; there was not one thing he would want to change, but some moments were meant to be felt twice; watching the sunlight filter through the leaves of the trees in spring, or watching those leaves fall into a shed of warm yellows in autumn. The snug warmth to embrace his senses on a winter’s evening at the café on the corner of a busy street, a lover’s photograph on summer’s first morning – those moments that gleamed with traces of comfort and colour, and as deeply as he longed to watch the sparkles of youth, their shades appeared so vainly pale compared to the sense upon first meeting the person one would fall in love with one day, and how intensely his heart longed with every cell of its being to reminisce that moment en vie. 

Life, however, never granted him his most heartfelt wish.   
The day he had come to understand that all life was painted with the strokes of change, the silhouette of movement – the day he had finally come to understand that, no matter how hard he tried to hold the colours of the past’s reminisces dear to his heart as to keep them alive, life moved in a pace like wildfire, and it slowly burnt the photographs of reminiscence to embers and ashes; the colours of youth slowly faded to dust. Holding so dearly onto the past, be it as it may, was the very reason why he ceased to see how the wildfire that had embraced the past in its flames, was the light that ignited the path that was yet to come. Kuroo Tetsurou has had dreams and passions he was known for ever since Junior High; he loved playing volleyball, and it was his dream to play at nationals. To win. He had an everlasting passion for the sciences that built the cosmos in ways unfathomable to the human eye, the microcosmos within the macro cosmos was one of the many matters he wished to grasp within his own hands. The dream of studying medical sciences has been a long-lived one – to understand the mechanisms behind the human body, to grasp how every cell contributes to the operating system, to contribute to the field of science and 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵. 

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 - 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘺, 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦. 𝘔𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘩'𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘴.

His future was merely one letter and a thousand miles away.   
The reminiscence of opening the letter box of their house on each lazy morning was lingering; with a cup of cold coffee in his hands and those Nekoma joggers he never stopped wearing, even after graduating, he would open the door of the residence whilst everyone was still asleep – and in spite of his overly comfortable attire, the anticipation was burning in the tips of his fingers like volts of electricity, and upon opening the box to find merely the daily newspaper lying in it ever so leisurely, the disappointment dug a hole in his chest. But when the awaited letter lied within the trembling palms of his hands, he couldn’t get himself to open it. He could feel his heart pulsing in his chest at a dangerous rate, and had he not thrown the letter into his car merely a second after opening the box for the tenth time that day, to drive to his best friend’s house, he would have still been sitting on the doorstep of his house, hands clutching onto the unopened letter. And he remembered ever so vividly how his thoughts raced faster than his car within the short distance, remembered ever so vividly how the letter lay in the backseat. He remembered ever so vividly that this very future meant one thing; leaving home. 

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘶𝘱𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘰.

”You’re being too dramatic, Kuro,”  
It was the nonchalant tone of Kenma’s voice that dragged him out of the tangling mess of his mind. He didn’t understand it; how he had been awaiting this very letter for a year and a half, how he would watch the sun rise from his desk, and how he would watch it set countless cups of coffee later, with the pile of papers not lessening for this very letter, he didn’t understand how at day and night, he would open and close the letterbox with anticipation and disappointment at day and night, and how now that he sat on the mess of Kenma Kozume’s bed on an August evening, he couldn’t bring himself to open it. Quite frankly, he didn’t understand himself. With a profound sigh, he had set it aside and propped himself up to look at Kenma for a moment or two; he hadn’t changed, aside from his hair – his lazy posture, the way his golden eyes never averted from the console that he often enough just wished to seize from his grip to have his undivided attention. “Maa, maybe I am, after all. I’ve been thinking a lot,” His words were followed by yet another sigh, to which the blonde finally reacted by placing down the console. “You’ve always wanted this, right? Said their research teams were really good. And besides,” When Kenma stopped mid-sentence, which was peculiar enough by itself, their gazed met for a split second, which without delay, caused his mind to go entirely blank. “Everyone knows Cambridge. I don’t understand you, " 

His eyes averted for a second from Kenma’s.   
They strolled over the pile of clothes on his chair, the consoles and loose papers on his desk, that one drawer which was always open with tangled wires. He couldn’t hide his smile; Kenma never changed, he was the one constant in Kuroo’s life that remained the same. It was an established perception to anyone who had known them, anyone who had just 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 them, that the two of them were attached – entwined to one another in the oddest of ways, and that separation was inevitable. To anyone but Kuroo, who had pushed the thought away into the deepest corner of his mind, until he had to face it. And perhaps, onto the letter that now lay between the two of them on the very bed that made him wonder when it was – if it ever has been – done the last time, he had projected that fear of separation. “Y’know Schroedinger’s cat, Kenma?” His sudden question must have struck a nerve for the other; he must have been fed up with his scientific references, after all, and the look of sheer annoyance with a shimmer of curiosity in Kenma’s golden eyes drew a chuckle from his lips. “Is it really the time for another science joke?”

His chuckle soon faded into laughter, and just upon leaning back on the bed, he gripped that godforsaken letter. “It’s a theoretical experiment. Let’s think of a cat, yeah? No, not you. A cat in a steel box and a Geiger counter, you’ll get that in physics this year. A vial of poison and a radioactive substance, too. Imagine those in the steel box,” And whilst the setter was quiet for some time to listen to this experiment, the curiosity in his eyes grew more curious by the second, as much as he may have tried to hide it, and Kuroo found that incredibly adorable. “Radioactive substance decays, but we don’t quite know when it does, since it’s a random process. That’s what the Geiger is there for, it detects the radioactive substance and releases poison, which would kill the cat. There would be no way to predict what would happen. “

”What are you trying to say? You’re not poisoning a cat. “

”Oi- let me finish. The atom exists in a state called superposition; both decayed and not decayed at the same time. Which would mean, unless one opened the box, the cat would be alive, and dead at the same time. “ 

”It’s a letter, not a dead cat,”

”I could be leaving, and I could be staying – unless I open the letter. “ His fingers slightly clutched onto the thin paper in which his future was enveloped, his heart feeling as though it could break through his ribcage any second from now. He was scared; scared of going, and scared of not having the opportunity to go. To pursue medical science has been his dream; to aid in the progression of medicine, the fight against seemingly incurable illnesses and viruses, to become a doctor, and a scientist. He had dreamt of Europe, for there was so much he was yet to see, and there was, even more, he was yet to do, and experience. “Do you want me to open it for you?” With a hesitant exhale, he nodded. At least, he knew one thing – Kenma’s voice had always soothed him, and it always would. Kenma never changed, after all. Handing him the envelope with a slightly trembling hand, his feline eyes watched closely as Kenma’s tender hands opened the letter. He watched closely as his eyes strolled over the words that remained hidden to him, and he could swear he felt his heart skip one beat after another. 

”Dear Tetsurou Kuroo,”   
He started reading in the silkiest of voices, and even as he did, Kuroo was well aware that his knees would have given in any second from now had he not been sitting. “I am delighted to inform you that the Committee of Administration has admitted you to the class of 2021. Please accept my personal congratulations for your outstanding achievements..” It wasn’t what was written in that letter that made his heart drop to the pits of his stomach; it was the silence that followed after he watched the sheet fall onto the clutter of blankets and hoodies. It was the silence that followed after he felt Kenma shift closer on the limited space of the bed. It was those arms that wrapped around his neck in a hold so close, he could feel the heaving of his chest, his heartbeat, his faint breath against the skin of his neck. And for a moment, they remained that way; his arms slung around Kenma’s waist in the same silence that fogged his mind, along with the question he couldn’t seem to shake off: was Kozume Kenma happy? 

”Kuro.. You made it,”  
It was only then when he was struck with reality – he made it. And whilst the excitation was setting into a turmoil in his chest, his brain; whilst all of his hard work of the past years seemed to have paid off, whilst he was eternally grateful to be offered an opportunity this prestigious, his hold around Kenma tightened, and he wasn’t willing to let go – not now, and certainly not ever. Some moments were meant to be felt twice, but twice wasn’t close to enough to the number of times he wanted to experience this very moment again. It was a moment meant to be felt for an eternity, and he wished for his colours to never fade. 

"𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶.. 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨?"

– 

Life moved in the pace of a wildfire, and as it spread searing lights amidst the colours of youth, it set alight his heart with the understanding that nothing lasted forever. His arms around Kozume Kenma loosened slowly, eyes opening to the reality of here and now. “Just because I won’t be here for a while, it doesn’t mean you can go slacking off at training,” He started with a smile, his thumb gently brushing away the loose strands of blond hair from Kenma’s face. “And remember to eat. I will note down the time difference to remind you to have breakfast, lunch and dinner. Put down the consoles then and there, and breathe. “ Those words barely managed to leave his lips; his heartfelt heavy, almost as though tied with tight strings. “I will. Don’t worry about me. And don’t have too much coffee, Kuro. I think you should go now, or you’ll.. miss your flight,” Upon hearing the last words, he could feel the deep ache set into his chest; bittersweet, almost like nostalgia in itself. Kuroo Tetsurou was terrible at good-byes, he could already feel his knees weaken with the weight that carved breaches into his chest. For the last time, he leant in closer towards him, brushing aside the strands of bleached hair from his forehead to plant a kiss good-bye onto his best friend’s forehead. Perhaps, it was the right time to let him know – he couldn’t leave yet, without letting him know. “I’ll always worry about you, Kenma. “ He could feel how his knuckles were whitening from how cramped his grip was around the handle of his suitcase, from how his heart was vigorously pounding in his aching chest. Retreating from his best friend’s warmth, at last, he gave him one last smile; the very same smile he had given him on the day they had met. 

“And Kenma?” 

”Kuro, you’ll miss your—“ 

”I love you. “ 

With the bittersweet lingering of the words he had never dared to speak, he turned around, at last, to enter the gate towards his flight. His heart, he knew, was beating at a dangerously fast; he wanted to turn around once more, to see how he had reacted. 𝘞𝘢𝘴 𝘒𝘰𝘻𝘶𝘮𝘦 𝘒𝘦𝘯𝘮𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺? Had he turned the way to exit this godforsaken airport, or were the tears trailing down his cheeks as they have when exchanging their good-byes? His heart ached to know, but his feet kept moving forward without turning around, for Kozume could be happy, Kozume Kenma could have returned those words – he could have been upset, and he could have cursed Kuroo for saying those words in a moment this inadequate. There was no for him to predict how Kenma had felt unless he turned around; and as long as his feet kept moving, he liked to believe he was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
